How are you today?
The dictionary defines the word fine as you are in good health and you have no problems. Does this sound like your reality? You have arrived at work after battling through the rush hour and you are fine! It seems more like you would be frustrated or angry or stressed. You have had a fight with your partner and you are out with friends can you describe yourself as fine? Continue reading
Motivation is the human condition which drives us towards our desires and goals. Of course motivation can be seen at many levels it might be the desire to go out and get food if we are hungry or it might be to give up smoking because of the health benefits. It is the latter type of motivation that concerns us here, the motivation to change ourselves for the better, for it is this type of motivation that so many say they lack. Continue reading
There has been much in the news recently about stress at work and the problems that people have. They worry that admitting to stress will have consequences for their career and potentially continued employment. So what are the things that can help with stress.
Stress is a natural reaction to a degree of stimulation. When we were all hunting woolly Mammoths this was useful, it provided a safety system for the preservation of life. If you spotted the sabre toothed tiger sneaking up on you, the stress response would kick in. Known as the fight or flight response your body triggers a reaction. Continue reading
Many clients talk about a lack of confidence. Others feel that people or events hold them back judging their words and actions. This short article asks the reader to take 10 minutes to look at their confidence and see if it can be boosted.
Confidence is the bedrock of making changes in your life, even if you only have confidence that you want to change. What can be done to conquer our fears and make us more confident each day?
It is worth starting by looking at your insecurities perhaps writing them out on a sheet of paper. Perhaps you are afraid of speaking in public, perhaps you are worried you wear the wrong clothes or perhaps you are confused by others around you. Perhaps you are scared that you don’t understand what is going on and don’t want to appear stupid. As you look at each and name it – try to understand what is behind it – was there an experience, was it something someone said perhaps that is the way it was always handled when you were a child. What you are trying to do here is “know your enemy”; this is the first step in doing something about it.
Next we look at our achievements, and not necessarily huge things like running a marathon (but well done if you did) but anything which was a challenge for you and you completed. Perhaps you are afraid of dogs, but you went for a walk in the park, perhaps you spoke to your friend about a difficult subject, perhaps you raised a difficult issue with your manager at work or tried to sort out bullying. Again look at each and try to understand why you achieved it what drove you on through the fear. Continue reading
Self-Injury or self-harm is something that a large part of the population misunderstand and recoil from. There is an assumption that the self-harmer is trying to kill themselves or at least do themselves very serious harm. Yet self-harmers rarely have suicide in mind. Continue reading
The best laid schemes o’ Mice an’ Men,
Gang aft agley,
An’ lea’e us nought but grief an’ pain,
For promis’d joy!
(The best laid schemes of Mice and Men
oft go awry,
And leave us nothing but grief and pain,
For promised joy!)
Robert Burn’s words reflect what we all discover in your life; that no matter how well you plan things happen then can throw you off course. As we approach the end of the month many of us will have failed with our New Year resolutions.
There is perhaps a group memory of how it feels to fail, wanting to hide from the judgement of others. Perhaps we want the earth to swallow you or to hide under the duvet. While we all know that Edison said he had found another way not to make a light bulb, his words seem to have little impact on our situation.
I prefer a more practical approach to failure. Failure is part of life and its purpose, if it has one it to help us become better at skills and behaviours. If you hide from failure then it can become depression or feeling anxious about every new situation. This can make us feel hopeless.
So to recover from failure:
Accept that you have failed, but learn the lessons, perhaps there is something you would do differently, perhaps there is a different approach or tools you could use. When you have looked at this forgive yourself. At least you were trying, you have learned something. Even if you feel you made a stupid mistake, dwelling on it can only make you feel worse about yourself so say I won’t do that and move on.
Check that your goal, your destination has not changed. Perhaps something you have learned means that you want to do something different. Perhaps you want to take a smaller step to get to your ultimate goal. Adjusting your goals can make success easier.
Finally get back on the horse. Don’t let failure put you off taking the steps along the road to the changes that you want to make. We all find change hard, we find the prospect of failure unpleasant, yet without both how can we develop as a person.
With over 350 million working days a year lost to stress and stress related illness. Stress is not in itself a bad thing indeed it is an important mechanism which helps us to enhance our performance when we need that extra boost. Learning to manage stress is one of the most effective ways of making a difference to your life. Continue reading