While anger has its place if anger is not managed it can become a very dangerous thing.
“He’s just cut in front of me”; “Why is it always me that clears the kitchen”; “how dare they say that!” We all get angry at some time. Perhaps we are treated unfairly or with no respect or you feel you have to defend yourself. There is that moment when anger grips us and we seem to lose control in our need to get something changed and changed now. Continue reading
There has been much in the news recently about stress at work and the problems that people have. They worry that admitting to stress will have consequences for their career and potentially continued employment. So what are the things that can help with stress.
Stress is a natural reaction to a degree of stimulation. When we were all hunting woolly Mammoths this was useful, it provided a safety system for the preservation of life. If you spotted the sabre toothed tiger sneaking up on you, the stress response would kick in. Known as the fight or flight response your body triggers a reaction. Continue reading
Do you have that Monday morning feeling every day of the week? Do you find that you explode at the smallest thing? You have sleepless nights, despite always being tired. Perhaps you suffer from work related stress.
In a recent report the Health and Safety Executive (HSE) reported that as many as 20% of UK workers feel extremely stressed at work. Continue reading
Sticks and stones are hard on bones
Aimed with angry art,
Words can sting like anything
But silence breaks the heart. (Phyllis McGinley)
These words are behind many of the problems in today’s relationships. It reflects that instead of talking about the problems in out, we keep the issues inside, staying silent, perhaps even sulking at our partner’s lack of respect for our feelings. Can anything be done to rescue our relationship? Continue reading
When we think about relationships and marriages, as well as the happiness and security we also have to include the conflicts that can happen from time to time. Conflict is often seen as a negative thing yet, in a healthy relationship it is important that we can confront issues that affect the relationship. So how can we confront issues without bringing a relationship to its knees?
Before we start looking at the conflict, it is important to remember that a relationship where it has an underlying loving relationship makes it easier to resolve issues. In other words take the opportunities to build your relationship and show how much you mean to each other at the good moments. Deposits of positive feelings will help when it comes to confrontation. Continue reading
Anxiety is something that we have all suffered from in our lives, whether it is exam nerves or just when trying something new for the first time. The anxiety soon passes and we get on. Yet imaging if the anxiety would not go away imaging if that sense of dread stayed with you, always worrying about what might/ could/ would go wrong. Continue reading
The best laid schemes o’ Mice an’ Men,
Gang aft agley,
An’ lea’e us nought but grief an’ pain,
For promis’d joy!
(The best laid schemes of Mice and Men
oft go awry,
And leave us nothing but grief and pain,
For promised joy!)
Robert Burn’s words reflect what we all discover in your life; that no matter how well you plan things happen then can throw you off course. As we approach the end of the month many of us will have failed with our New Year resolutions.
There is perhaps a group memory of how it feels to fail, wanting to hide from the judgement of others. Perhaps we want the earth to swallow you or to hide under the duvet. While we all know that Edison said he had found another way not to make a light bulb, his words seem to have little impact on our situation.
I prefer a more practical approach to failure. Failure is part of life and its purpose, if it has one it to help us become better at skills and behaviours. If you hide from failure then it can become depression or feeling anxious about every new situation. This can make us feel hopeless.
So to recover from failure:
Accept that you have failed, but learn the lessons, perhaps there is something you would do differently, perhaps there is a different approach or tools you could use. When you have looked at this forgive yourself. At least you were trying, you have learned something. Even if you feel you made a stupid mistake, dwelling on it can only make you feel worse about yourself so say I won’t do that and move on.
Check that your goal, your destination has not changed. Perhaps something you have learned means that you want to do something different. Perhaps you want to take a smaller step to get to your ultimate goal. Adjusting your goals can make success easier.
Finally get back on the horse. Don’t let failure put you off taking the steps along the road to the changes that you want to make. We all find change hard, we find the prospect of failure unpleasant, yet without both how can we develop as a person.